I don't know who I ticked off.
I don't know what I did that was so awful as to earn this bout of purgatorial-level pain.
I'll not go into specifics, lest you swoon from the grossness of it, but let's just say that I have a friend who is suffering from both schmiarrhea and phlegmorrhoids at the same time in addition to the whole there's-a-human-being-displacing-her-organs-and-jumping-on-her-bladder thing.
The way she tells it, this is the way things feel for her right now:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
(takes a breath)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!
I spent a good ten minutes in the "So there's something wrong with your pooter" section of Smith's yesterday. I was starting to get stares from the girls behind the pharmacy counter. Now, ten minutes isn't really that long when you're at a restaurant or driving to the grocery store or something, but spending 600 seconds mulling over the labels of suppositories and anal vasoconstrictors is going to give people the distinct impression that you're a weirdo.
I went to the checkout area and placed my various selections on the belt. The man in front of me was kind enough to put a separator stick between his and my purchases, and I could tell he was an amiable fellow. I got the distinct impression that he wanted to pass the time in line by chatting with me, but he stopped pretty instantly when he caught an eyeful of what my purchases actually were. His eyes snapped forward and he started whistling to himself. Any possibility of chitchat was clearly evaporating while he was silently wondering how he always manages to get in line with the looney ones.
So what if I was buying suppositories, butter, sunburn ointment, and sippy cups? It was a busy weekend!
Posted by Jen at May 25, 2009 2:02 PM