No one told me how hard marriage would be. It should have been obvious, given that there are so many carcasses of marriages strewn about our lives and our family trees. Marriage isn't like the happy-sappy love songs on the radio or the cutsie-wutsie speeches people make at weddings.
Except when it is.
The day-to-day existence of marriage is far from glamorous. It's listening to a giant fart first thing in the morning (from you, of course). It's holding my hand when I'm in the hospital for horrible morning sickness even though I'm so weak I can't tell you're holding my hand. It's three a.m. bickering about who's turn it is to check on a crying baby.
The cyclical nature of a marriage is not for everyone. We slip into the same bad habits, fight about the same tired old issues, improve for a time but swing back to the initial fault again. We're human, and it's to be expected. But there are many other cycles that are far less gnawing, like those that involve my missing you when you're gone for the day, and how happy I am when you come home, knowing that we'll repeat tomorrow. Our Friday night TV dates, fast-forwarding through commercials but still pausing to chat with one another about the show ("That's Bullshit. This show got so dumb." "Want to stop""No! I want to see how it turns out") or chat about anything else, our hands magnetically drawn to one another's.
We fit. After all this time, we fit like puzzle pieces. My hand in yours, my head on your shoulder, your arms around me. I know what foods you like (my roasted potatoes) , what you don't (blue cheese dressing), what peeves you (drink glasses left on the desk), and what inspires you (a new programming problem, our kids, hopefully me). We left the dating phase behind a long time ago - I know your habits and you know mine, but we have an easy affection and familiarity that comes only with time, and I am glad for it.
There are prices to pay for this family of ours, we four. We pay tolls in the form of weird and proud and stubborn family, different cultures and values, a baffling lack of boundaries from some and oddly silent and unasked-for boundaries from others. But we pay it. Hell, we might as well have an EZ Pass, because it brings me you and you me. And it gives us something to laugh about when we're by ourselves.
There was one cutsie-wutsie thing that I remember from our wedding, and it makes me smile. My dad said it during his toast. He wished that our wedding day was the day we loved each other the least. I'm not a fan of the cutsie-wutsie; smarm just isn't in me. But this Valentine's Day, I wanted to tell you that I love you more that I did at our wedding, and I'll love you more tomorrow. You're my husband, the father to my children, and my best friend. I can't imagine even one breath without you by my side.
Except for maybe that first breath in the morning. I could do without the bed farts.
I love you.
I give you permission to stop with the morning bed farts.
Posted by: Dimitri at February 17, 2009 11:29 AM