A girlfriend should be a kind, supportive, friendly and just generally nice. No one's perfect, but being good company shouldn't be too much to ask for. Whether you go shopping together, play foxybingo or go to restaurants together, or just hang out occasionally you should always feel at ease together. This gets pretty impossible when they start being mean. Insults and baseless criticism don't build a relationship-- they damage it. *
I have a girlfriend that over the past year or so has really gotten toxic, and it's starting to annoy me. Every time I see her she has some nasty backhanded comment for me. I don't get it. Why be so mean to the people who like you? It's so...junior high.
We were having a conversation with a few other girlfriends about shoes, and how they (the other women) always have to have so many pairs, and oh, did you see that pair of fur-lined boots at Nordstroms? Meh. My contribution to the conversation was that since I had Bean, my shoe size changed and I had to get rid of all of my shoes. I get by on one pair of dress shoes, one pair of sneakers, and a few pairs of sandals, and that I actually enjoy not owning so many shoes. She says "Well, I guess it doesn't matter anyway for you, since no one actually sees you."
Another time, I told her that I was having a good day because we paid off my Honda, and I had gotten the title in the mail from the finance company. I said that it felt good not to have a car payment every month. She responded that it wasn't that big of an accomplishment, since we (Dim and I) have saved so much money it's not a big deal for us to have paid off a car like it would be for a normal person.
Huh? I don't get it either.
Most recently, after someone got up in front of a group and told them how nice my new hair color is (it's red now) she passed a note to me telling me that I made a mistake and that it looked bad.
Seriously. Passed a note. What are we, twelve?
I let her little barbs go tink! off my armor. I know that the problem isn't me, it's her. I may not be a shoe whore and I may not live beyond my means and rack up credit card debt, but THAT'S NOT A BAD THING. I try to be a good friend and check in on her to see if there's anything in her life that's going on that makes her want to jellyfish her friends, but jeesh.
Tsk tsk tsk.
*Affiliate content.
Posted by Jen at September 16, 2008 2:06 PMGood for you for rising above it. But FYI I'm with you on the shoes - I only have about 3 pairs and LOVE flip flops. And good job paying off that car! I remember thinking your hair was cute when I saw you but was it red? Shows you how much I know! :)
Posted by: Susan at September 17, 2008 2:38 PMI don't know how your hair *can't* look bad. Seriously, I think you've been given a gift with your beautiful hair.
And congrats on paying off your car--I think that is a big accomplishment. I can't wait to pay off mine and get rid of this pesky monthly payment.
I have a lot of shoes (kinda) and it just annoys me. Really, I need to be able to throw some out and say to myself, "No, really, I won't ever wear those snow shoes again."
From reading your entry, it seems to me that this woman is either jealous of you or extremely dissatisfied with her own life and is picking on you to make you dissatisfied, too.
Posted by: JennySmith at September 19, 2008 7:39 AMThat sucks that your friend does the "Bitch with a smile" thing. I have seen my wife's friends and relatives pull the same thing. If I am around while it happens I have to take a deep breath and count to 10. My initial instict is to choke them out or kick them in the ass. Neither of which is socially acceptable so don't hang out with those people. I try to convince her to do the same. If they do that to one person than it usually happens to others as well sadly.
That is good that you can rise of it. Many people cannot do that since it is hard.
Posted by: Ryland at October 9, 2008 4:27 PM