Here’s the deal with George: He’s a jerk.
He refused to come to our wedding, to Athena’s wedding, and the babies’ births and baptisms. For the last five years or so, he sent no birthday cards, no Christmas cards, nothing. It’s like his kids didn’t exist for him anymore. He would tell anyone at the Greek hangouts who asked him about it that he wanted his kids to change their names so they would no longer be associated with him. He is a small, stubborn man.
Even when he was talking to his kids, he was barely there. An occasional dinner and birthday and Christmas cards were about it. There are plenty of examples of his jerkitude throughout Athena and Dimitri’s childhood. I’m sure there’s a lot of good memories here and there, too, don’t get me wrong; but at his worst he was an incredibly absent father and an abusive husband. After Sophie divorced him, he just sort of checked out of the kids’ lives. And yet, for some reason, we (Athena, Sophie, and I) felt that he needed to meet the grandkids. We thought that meeting them would somehow, I don’t know, sucker him into talking to his kids again. How could he not? These babies are cuter than shit. They’d charm anyone.
So now, after having dinner with him once, he demands that we name a potential male grandchild after him, in accordance with Greek tradition. Aside from the moral objections I have with that, there still is the issue of The Agreement.
Dim and I made The Agreement before we knew the sex of the Bean. Simply stated, it was: If we ever have a girl, it will be named Sophia, after his mom, and if we ever have a boy, it will be named Chris, after my dad. This was the GREAT Compromise, since, while we love our parents dearly, I was not fond of the name Sophie and he was not fond of the name Chris. But this was the agreement we reached. It was relatively easy to make, since George was not talking to his kids at the time, and showed no signs of letting up.
Now, Dim is telling me that if we don’t name a boy George, that he (George) will definitely never speak to us again. Part of me thinks “Wow, that’s a shame. A petty, idiotic shame, but a shame.” The other part of me thinks “Good riddance!”
Just name him Chris George? Yeah, thought of that one. It’s a no go. Second place is as good as last, as far as George is concerned.
Just have a girl, you say? Nay, nay. He has already hinted that Georgia (In Greek it’s actually much more beautiful, your-YHEE-ah,but in white-people-speak, it’s a damn state) is an acceptable alternative for the penis challenged. Also, I want a girl to have the middle name Ann, after my grandmother, and Georgia Ann? Lord, no. People will constantly ask her for cornbread recipes.
So the issue boils down to this: We can do what he wants, and keep in contact with him, or don’t, and don’t.
Hence the sigh.
When someone makes a demand like that, it is not you who is faced with a choice. That person is making a choice: "either they do what I demand or I will cut off contact with them." That person does not place a high value on the relationship if he would end it for so selfish a reason. I personally would rather please my spouse, who does value our relationship than give in to the childish demands of an emotional blackmailer.
Posted by: John at July 20, 2007 9:30 AMSee he is my brother for a reason. I was about to respond with the exact same comment. If your FIL (FFIL?) decides to drop contact over something like that too bad. Give in and he'll be blackmailing you for other things forever. It never ends with the first payment.
Posted by: susan at July 20, 2007 9:41 AMThe way I see it, He's the one who chose not to be a decent enough father to be named after. Is it also Greek tradition to abandon your children and abuse your wife? I would guess not.
Posted by: Shannon at July 20, 2007 5:41 PMI agree with Susan. Give in under pressure once and you'll be giving in forever. If I had made any such demands on you, you would have told me off without thinking twice. How is this different?
Your kids are your kids. You should not allow yourself to feel obligated to do anything (naming or otherwise) that is against your better judgment. Had I done that when you were small you'd be right handed now and wearing pink ruffly frilly dresses all the time. Aren't you glad that I followed my better judgment?
You are a strong, independent, intelligent (yet sometimes bull-headed) woman who has always made her own decisions. Accepting advice and counsel is one thing. Choosing which to follow has always been one of your personal strengths.
Follow your heart. Trust your instincts. Do what is right for you and your children.
Don't. For the love of all good things, don't. Other people (i.e.: everyone above) said it much more eloquently, but you don't owe him anything. And while I know that you are conflicted because you see how hurt Dim has been, and he thinks that he will have his dad back if he does this this thing, in the long run when George lets him down AGAIN (which he no doubt will), then you're going to have a child who will forever be named after someone who used your husband as an emotional punching bag. That's no good to any of you.
Posted by: Stephanie at July 23, 2007 3:07 PM