I had to have a bit of a conniption last night. The situation was approaching intolerable, and I had to have a small showdown.
Dim and I were at Sophie’s for dinner. Sophie’s friend Andrea was there, too. We were all sitting around the table after dinner, blabbing about babies (yea!) and my anxiety with needles (boo!) and Sophie started talking about all of the a) horrible things that happened to her while she delivered and b) horrible things that could happen to me if I were to deliver, you know, in the Twilight Zone. She was clearly trying to freak me out.
The conversation went something like this:
J: Sophie, stop.S: And the cord was wrapped around her neck so tightly that her heart stopped with each contraction. I thought she was going to die –
J: Sophie, you're starting to freak me out. Stop.
S: But you never know, I heard of a woman who [I don’t remember details. I’m making this part up] died in childbirth because she didn’t have her IV in properly.
J: Stop!
S: So you had better get over your needle thing, because if you don’t have the needle in correctly and on time, the baby could [again, making it up, but not by much] sprout spontaneous boils and die of-
At this point, I had had my fill of her trying to scare me and ignoring my requests to STFU.
J: (slamming my palm down on the table) SOPHIE, STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE WHAT I’M ABOUT TO SAY IS VERY IMPORTANT! Your job is NOT to frighten me, and your job is NOT to inform me of every possible dramatic complication. That’s my doctor’s job, and she’s doing a fine enough job SOLO. Don’t do this ANY MORE, because it’s NOT WELCOME.
(Awkward silence punctured only by my flaring my nostrils and her rolling her eyes)
I was surprised at myself. I’ve never really yelled at her before. I’ve laid the snark on pretty thick, but I’ve never yelled, and I’ve certainly never struck furniture. I think I shocked her, too, because she was almost (almost) speechless. She muttered something about “You need to know stuff like this” and somebody changed the topic to something else.
She didn’t try to scare me for the rest of the night.
Let’s hope it sticks.
Posted by Jen at February 20, 2006 2:01 PMGood for you, honey! Experience (or 20/20 hindsight) from long ago speaking here ... the sooner you stand your ground with meddling relatives, the better off all three (or more) of you will be in the long run. Sometimes, people need to be shocked into reality. Of course Sophie loves you but you know what they say about good intentions and paved roads.
(Aren't you happy that I'm not a meddler?)
Posted by: jen's mom at February 20, 2006 5:26 PMYou have NO idea, mom. Thanks.
Posted by: Jen Rodis at February 20, 2006 6:17 PMgood for you jen, there is no reason for anyone other than your doctor to give you info unless you ask for it directly. stick to your guns and try to enjoy your pregnancy.
Posted by: kath's mom at February 21, 2006 8:09 AMI applaud you for speaking up and for such a reasoned response in the heat of anger. The only thing additional you might have said, besides "your job is NOT....", is "your job is to support me and comfort me and give me positive, encouraging anecdotes (even if you have to lie)."
Posted by: John at February 21, 2006 9:18 AMI just don't understand the impulse women have to scare other women. There's a clear line between "inform" and "freak the shit out of" - what's the benefit in crossing the line?
I have a girlfriend (whose name rhymes with Blue-isa) who has a TRACK RECORD of making pregnant girls burst into tears with her battle stories and fear mongering.
Dude, aren't we supposed to be a supportive sisterhood or something? WTF?
Posted by: Jen Rodis at February 21, 2006 9:20 AMgood for you, jen. that sets a lovely precedent... maybe from now on when you raise your palm above a table she will flinch.
Posted by: kat at February 21, 2006 10:28 AMjen, you have plenty of support and you know where to find it!
Posted by: kath's mom at February 21, 2006 12:19 PMYeah, from my mom and Kat's mom! Thanks Didi!
Posted by: Jen Rodis at February 21, 2006 2:17 PMUs Mom's Rock! But, seriously, isn't that the most important thing a mom can do for her kids? We teach them the best way we know how (maybe someday kids will be born with instructions stamped on their butts... but until that time....)and then we send them on their way to lead their own lives, hoping that the good values we've instilled in them will help guide them on whatever paths they choose. And, when they need or want either a boost to get back on that path or a big wahoo! for doing whatever they find as their comfortable choice, then we're there for them. That's what it's all about...the circle of life. (don't even THINK about humming anything from the Lion King... pulleeeze!)
Posted by: jen's mom at February 21, 2006 2:48 PMjen, your mom is so right, we are here when you kids need us and always will be. at the same time, we know that you are there for us too.
Posted by: kath's mom at February 22, 2006 8:06 AMI knew this woman once who gave birth to a green bassett hound because of a needle- just kidding. Good for you for standing up. She's not doing you any service by giving you that information.
Take heart- people have been giving birth since the beginning of time. Odds are everything will be fine.