Episode 182: In which I continue to despise my car
Regular readers know that there is no love lost between me and my Passat. The Passat is rather like the passive-aggressive friend you can't quite keep but can't quite rid yourself of, either.
She likes to be minimally functional, but pesky. Serviceable enough that you can't justify getting rid of her (unless you care about things like BRAKES) but with enough odd quirks that you have to explain quite a bit to the valet guy before you hand the keys over.
This weekend, though, I began to suspect that my car had upped the ante.
Before I had the motor to the sunroof forcibly removed, she would open and close her roof at her own discretion. No matter the number of closing attempts or volume of shouts otherwise, she would remain stalwart that she remain open during thunderstorms or while parked beneath trees.
It appears that she has adapted (clever girl) and now has the power to open the side windows at will.
I noticed that my car smelled like BO this weekend. I didn't think much of it, since Dimitri was playing grease monkey with Craig's truck before needing to park my car in the garage himself. Normally a fastidiously clean guy, I nevertheless assumed that the odor was from him, and vented the car.
But the smell came back. And back. And back.
The Passat's window was open (not by me, I assure you) and the male cat next door** apparently took the opportunity to mark the interior of my Passat as his territory. Those of you with un-neutered male cats or who, say, live within a three-mile radius of a male cat know how foul this stench can be.
For those of you unfamiliar with the stench, I am happy to drive my Passat to your county line and let you take a whiff from your backyard. It's that bad.
Ideas, anyone? Baking soda? Febreeze? Napalm?
**When I say next door, I refer to where his owners live, not he. He likes to shit in my backyard and spray directly at Ruby's face while she watches him from the sliding glass door. He mates with other cats on my front step. I have the matted hair in my welcome mat as proof. This cat is the height of uncouth, a veritable feline Kevin Federline, if you will.
Now her trunk won't open. The urine bomb inside is festering, festering....
Posted by: Jen Rodis at January 23, 2006 7:20 PMNothing, I mean NOTHING, gets that smell out. There was a male cat living in our house about 5 years before we got here, and our downstairs bathroom still continues to smell faintly of his musk. The only thing that has SLIGHTLY helped are the pet candles that you can get at petsmart or other pet stores. It helped neutralize the 5 year old smell somewhat, but I think we are just going to have to pull the carpet up and paint the floor eventually.
Good luck with the car...
Posted by: karla at January 24, 2006 7:22 AMUh,Jen, no driving around burning candles in your car.
Posted by: susan at January 24, 2006 7:58 AMthe time has come for the passat to be extradited back to germany.
Posted by: kat at January 24, 2006 8:16 AMIt's like you are living a Seinfeld episode
Posted by: John at January 24, 2006 9:08 AMI've never seen an episode of Seinfeld, so I'll have to take your word for it.
Posted by: Jen Rodis at January 24, 2006 9:23 AMThis is one of the funniest posts yet. I love this one. I am sitting here imagining the car's windows going up and down without help along with the sunroof. The only thing missing is a solar eclipse to have caused these crazy misshaps. That was a reference to the movie "Maximum Overdrive." That came out about the same time as "Howard the Duck." In no way related but they were both horrible movies.
Posted by: Ryland at January 24, 2006 9:52 AMAll I remember when I was a little girl was that a cat once peed on one of my blankets while at kindergarten one day. We had to throw it out.
I suggest, if you can, throw out the Passat and get another (non-VW) car.
Posted by: JennySmith at January 24, 2006 11:08 AMI agree with Kat and Jenny. Now, if only the Toyota fairy would visit me...
Posted by: Jen Rodis at January 24, 2006 1:13 PMI've seen the Toyota Fairy. She speaks Japanese though. That is a huge drawback if you want to speak with her.
Posted by: Ryland at January 24, 2006 3:28 PMPS: How have you managed never to see a Seinfeld episode? It was a great show!
Posted by: JennySmith at January 24, 2006 3:56 PMI've heard enough about Seinfeld to feel like I've seen it. Apparently there was a lady named Dolores/Molva, there's a neighbor named Newman, and Elaine can't dance.
Posted by: Jen Rodis at January 24, 2006 5:43 PMand george has a thing about double-dipping... and everything else. LOL
Posted by: kat at January 25, 2006 8:26 AMand Jerry once had his car parked by a pungent valet (a veritable parking Kevin Federline, if you will). Jerry could not get the BO out of his car and eventually left it on the street with the keys in it.