Advice: Do NOT mess with a pregnant, hormonal woman if you are an idiot.
Background: We hired a few laborers to remove some knotty, overgrown plants from our yard (remember the one that I gashed myself trimming?) and to recover the ground with decorative desert rock. The plants were ugly and the rock cover was a little patchy. The yard now looks like it SHOULD, DAMMIT.
(Name and address redacted to protect the incompetent boob who dared to fine us for sprucing up our yard without obtaining his permission first)
Dear Mr. PEAR-HEADED MORON,
Enclosed please find a copy of your requested Architectural Change Request Form for landscaping work done at (1313 Mockingbird Lane) on October 8, 2005.
As no change was made to the overall landscaping design, and no drainage or setbacks were altered, we felt that this form was frivolous. On October 8th we pulled out unsightly bushes (for which you have a history of citing us) and refreshed the rock groundcover to bring it back to the coverage and color scheme it had when we closed on the house in 2000.
We sought the advice and consent of our neighbors before changing anything. In fact, one of our neighbors joined in our efforts to refresh some of his landscaping as well.
We understand that, as a Community Association Manager, you must treat every homeowner the same. Minor landscaping changes must be dealt with in the same manner and with the same gravity as a homeowner's spray-painting his house tartan plaid with purple polka-dots. Your job as ombudsman places you in the unlucky position of keeping homeowners in compliance with community standards both reasonable and less so.
We do find it more than a little ridiculous, however, to threaten to fine us for removing bushes for which your inspectors have demonstrated a consistent distaste and fondness for citing. To go so far as to state that we should “replace the missig [sic] plant material” is laughable.
Our acacia bushes were an eyesore for you and a nuisance to us. Our community is better off without them. If you are intent on our re-planting it, however, we will consider planting an acacia bush in front of your office so that you may have the pleasure of maintaining a truly troublesome and pest-attracting plant.
Just try to hold off on fining yourself for improper upkeep.
Respectfully Yours,
Dimitri Rodis Jennifer McNamee
Homeowner Homeowner
WELL SAID. i am considering nominating myself for the BOD of my HOA so i won't get cited for stupid things like that.
Posted by: KAT at October 31, 2005 5:11 PMI understand and appreciate the basic purpose of HOAs, but I really, really hate how you can own your own land and still have someone tell you whether or not you can barbeque in your own backyard or take your f'n bushes out of your own yard. Ridiculous!
Posted by: Shannon at November 1, 2005 6:33 AMfabulous letter! i had to write one of those myself a few years back. at one time our hoa was so rediculous that they were trying to fine people for not having green enough grass in the winter. while the original idea of an hoa was a good one, some of them just get too out of hand, just hang in there and stand your ground!
Posted by: kath's mom at November 1, 2005 7:40 AM