Kat will be housesitting while I'm away. I left her these words of advice:
Please park in the driveway. The homeowner’s association will fine me if you park at the house for more than 12 hours and HAVE THE GALL TO PARK ON THE STREET. [Mr. X.], however, can park anywhere he damn pleases.
Our mailbox is #2. The box is located next to the driveway. The mailman is only passably friendly. I avoid him, because he complains about my plants.
Trash days are Monday and Thursday. Missing those are bad. You may die from evil garage fumes if you miss too many.
The gate code for the house is xxxx UNTIL MAY 14, when it changes to xxxx.
The downstairs toilet is finicky. I recommend flushing twice even if you don’t think it needs it.
In case you ignore the above, the plunger is in the master bath.
Ruby loves to play with hair bands. Hair Bands, however, she has no experience with. Perhaps we should save the Winger Greatest Hits album for another time.
Ruby’s food is in the pantry. Her food bowl is in the dining area. Her water dish is in the master bath. Her cat box is stapled to the ceiling.
Ruby likes drinking water that dribbles from the bathroom sink. I don’t know why, but if she’s rolling over in the sink and trying to chew the faucet, you know what’s going on. Trust me, it’s not epilepsy, it’s a spoiled cat. Don’t stand too close: she’s a shaker once her head is wet.
No matter how much she tries to convince you otherwise, Ruby is not allowed on eating surfaces like kitchen counters, dinner tables, or ceilings. Yell and flail your arms like a gorilla to scare her off. This technique works approximately 40% of the time.
She loves catnip. There’s a small catnip bush growing in the backyard. Feel free to pinch off a little and give it to her. There’s also some yummy sweet basil growing out there. Help yourself. Ruby will show you how to put it on the floor and roll on it in throes of ecstasy like with her catnip. Or make pasta, your choice.
So long, suckers. I hope I can post at least once while I'm away.