Let's all list the things that peeve us:
1. Women who hover when they pee in public restrooms: They spray on the seat like overexcited Schnauzers. Ladies, most of us have relatively clean hindquarters. If you were to actually TOUCH the seat with your buttocks, your chances of catching some strange disease are relatively low. Even so, most restrooms have ass gaskets that cover the seat. By peeing on the seat, you make things gross for the rest of us.
2. Homeowner’s Association lawn Nazis: I have a desert landscaped front yard. The plants are freeform, not malleable into fun circus animal shapes. They grows how they likes. My yard will never look like a trimmed poodle. Get over it.
3. Large SUVs that are capable of fitting into one parking space, but pull in at a precarious angle so the rear fender sticks into the next space, making it impossible for my little Passat the fit next to it.
4. In the express grocery checkout line, 12 items or less means just that. 14 items I can let squeak by. 25 items will get you flogged. Oh, and by the way, splitting your 48 items across four family members doesn’t count, either.
5. Please don’t talk on your cell phone while in a stall in a public restroom. You give me the willies. Are you talking to your boyfriend, or are you involved in a one-way conversation with your poopies? And why do I feel awkward peeing, thinking that your conversant may be disturbed by my noise?
Okay, let’s see if we can get the list to #20 or so…